Today we’re going to talk about my decision to go on medication for Bipolar and my experience with it so far. When I asked on Instagram if there was interest in hearing about this, I was surprised at the number of people who responded yes, so here we go!
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Have you ever thought to yourself, I wish God would show me what lesson He wants me to learn so I could get over this trial already?
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We as people love labels. For ourselves and others. We figure out how to view people, how to place them in boxes or groups by their label, or we even rank people by their labels.
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My favourite thing about this story is that John didn’t stay in despair alone. Instead of the constant wondering, he just asked. He just had that honest conversation with Jesus and told him all about his doubts. That’s when the comfort came.
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So here is Elijah, running through the wilderness until he comes to a juniper tree. He sits under the tree and asks something of God. He has one of the most honest conversations with God recorded in Scripture. He asks God to take away his life.
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As with all things in life, I never know how much I have or how much I need what I have until it is taken away. If you’ve been around for the past three and half years, you know how much my new church has helped me to heal, how it has been a place I’ve purposely built strong community, that it’s the place I work and serve, that it has meant the world to my children, and how I couldn’t love it more.
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But do we want to stay there? I don’t think so. I think Biblical lament is meant to lead us back to God and to the joy that can be found in our salvation.
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Today we’re going to talk about the feeling of being abandoned by God and the three questions the psalmists asks of God in Psalm 77.
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Do you ever talk to yourself?
I do it all the time. They say really smart people talk to themselves, so I’m going to go with that theory. Most of the time, I have a negative narrative going. I’m very hard on myself and if you could spend an hour in my thoughts you would quickly see that I’m harder on myself than anyone else.
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I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long.
For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh.
I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.
Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee.
My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.
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The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
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I’ve told you before on this podcast that I hate the night - that I used to be so scared at night. But I don’t know if I’ve ever told you why.
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