I close my computer. I know it is time to sleep, my slightly queasy stomach and the clock tell me so but those are my only indication. The rest of me is screaming out to stay awake. I lay down, close my eyes, will them to stay still. I push my body into the mattress, trying to make it heavy, still, but my muscles twitch and my leg is restless. My husband, on a late night holiday binge, reaches over and absentmindedly starts to stroke my hair. It’s a secondary reaction for him, a knowing that I need help calming.
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