I’ve had a battle this year with my emotions feeling like a roller coaster. Up and down, happy and depressed, overwhelmed and carefree, loved and unloved. If you can name one extreme to the other, I’ve probably felt it this year. Maybe in the same day. Its partly because of this that I’ve come to love the prophet Elijah and his story. Or really, the story of God’s response to him.Read More
Everything I’ve been thinking or feeling the last couple of weeks has been leading to one word. Battle.
I hate it. I get tired. Some days I’m tired of battling my body, going to battle for other people, but mostly, battling myself. Battling my own thoughts and my own emotions. Right now my body is betraying me in the regular ways of pain and not being able to feel half of my face, but also in roller coaster emotions and periods of dark depression.Read More
Verses and encouragement and reassurances can come later, after a person is sure of your grief for them. When I was at my darkest, the songs and verses and words that came from those I knew were truly for me meant the most. Those that had walked the darkness with me were the ones that I trusted to speak into my soul.Read More
Someone asked me a question this week - what do you do when you don’t feel like God is there?
We ask ourselves this question in many different ways. Why are you allowing this God? Don’t you see what is happening? Why don’t I feel your comfort? Why is this trial still here? Why don’t I see your hand in what’s happening? How could you possibly work this for good? Why does it feel as though my prayers hit the ceiling?Read More
The word small has been coming up in conversations between God and I lately. When I spent two weeks with my kids and their stomach flu instead of editing the webinar I wanted to get out there. When I’ve been trying to launch a book out into the world and the numbers are small. When I’m thinking about still finding my place in this new life. God keeps whispering small to me. And although I have not fully grasped the whole concept of what He’s trying to tell me yet, He was very clear about one thing. Forgiving the small.Read More
The presence of God brings us joy. Not only because we’re not alone, but because God is the only one who can bring that joy that passes understanding in the middle of a trial. When your life is falling apart, you don’t have to.Read More
Is there anything worse than being alone when you need help? I can barely stand being alone in the dark, let alone real danger or devastation. And yet, with the right people, the right support, the right presence in your life, you feel like you can do anything, make it through anything.Read More
“Everyone knew who I was. ‘Seven demons’ they would whisper. ‘Mary Magdalene is possessed by seven demons.’ You have no idea how I suffered. The torment, the rejection, the sin. There was no one to help me. No one who really cared.”
Those words keep running through my mind. Mary must have felt as if she was the most unloveable person in her world. How would she ever be loved by another human being, let alone Jesus?Read More
All my life I’ve struggled with feeling loved. Maybe that’s common to all women and we just don’t talk about it. But there it is. I’ve told myself that I am not loved or I am unloveable or that I have to earn people’s love. The result is often working too hard to earn it.Read More
Last spring it was time to take family pictures. I had gotten the package as a gift to my mother in law for Christmas and intended to have new ones taken of our family at the same time.
There was only one problem.
These were the first family pictures since the affair and I wasn’t sure what to think.Read More
7 X 70
If you’ve been a Christian for any length of time, you know exactly what that means. Peter comes to Jesus and asks him, “How many times am I expected to forgive the same person?” I might have phrased it as, “This person is driving me insane. When can I stop speaking to them?”Read More
I was acutely aware of everything going on in my body. My hands were shaking. I was breathing hard. My stomach was rebelling. I was hot and cold all at once. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to run away, I wanted to curl up in a ball.Read More
I see you standing there in the corner.
You’ve failed. Again. You know it and I know it. You gave into your flesh, into temptation. You’re living in despair. You’ve doubted God in the middle of trials. The why doesn’t really matter as much as, we have found ourselves here. Standing in the corner. In the shadows.Read More
Do you ever feel like you’re kind of two different people? I’ve felt like that a lot this past year and its an unsettling feeling.Read More