Posts tagged depression
Podcast Episode 4 - A Secret Pavilion

In our last episode, we talked about being slandered or forsaken by people that you love.  But more importantly we looked at how God had built a pavilion, a secret place for those who needed to run away to Him.  Those situations definitely make me feel like running away to God.  But that’s not the only time I wish for a secret pavilion.  

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Podcast Episode 3 - Slander and Hope

Have you ever stood in a checkout line and been surprised by the fact that someone you thought was perfectly human is supposedly an alien?  

The world is full of misinformation.  And it seems trite and maybe even funny when a magazine tells us someone is an alien, or prints a photoshopped picture.  But what if the misinformation is about you?

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Podcast Episode 1 - Introduction

My name is Jennifer Holmes.  I am a christian, a wife, a mom to three beautiful children, music teacher, and lover of words, both written and spoken.

I also happen to have the label of mental illness, particularly Bipolar II.

In the summer of 2018, just before I was diagnosed, God started showing me something profound in the Psalms.  Something that would change my life.  He was preparing me for the diagnosis ahead.

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Psalm 69

Storms of life will always come.  Sometimes it’s more like a light rain.  Some days it’s dark and cloudy and the wind is picking up.  And some days it’s like the storm has turned into a tidal wave and it’s about to crash down on you.  And you’re afraid this is the end.  This is the storm that will overwhelm you.  You are about to drown.  And you’re standing there, looking at this tidal wave, and you ask God, what now?

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Paul said he was, “As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing”.

Sorrow, grief, sadness, depression, struggle, these are not words we like to make part of our every day vocabulary.  We don’t like to use them to update our status, talk about them on our Instagram stories, drop them casually in conversation when someone at church asks us how we are.

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Why, God?


It’s a question we all ask.  And often.  There are so many things about this world, about what goes on in our lives, about pretty much any situation, that we just don’t get.  

And there will be those who will tell you that you shouldn’t question.  That even if you do question in your heart, you should certainly never question God out loud.

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Supernatural Strength

Have you ever thought to yourself, I just can’t handle this?

We throw around the phrase, “God won’t give you more than you can handle” often in christian circles.  There’s only one problem.  I don’t buy it.  I often feel overwhelmed and lacking in wisdom and wondering how in the world I’m going to get through something.  I think God frequently gives me more than I can handle.  But that’s the point.

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God's Provision

I’ve had a battle this year with my emotions feeling like a roller coaster.  Up and down, happy and depressed, overwhelmed and carefree, loved and unloved.  If you can name one extreme to the other, I’ve probably felt it this year.  Maybe in the same day.  Its partly because of this that I’ve come to love the prophet Elijah and his story.  Or really, the story of God’s response to him.

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Tired of the Battle

Everything I’ve been thinking or feeling the last couple of weeks has been leading to one word.  Battle.  

I hate it.  I get tired.  Some days I’m tired of battling my body, going to battle for other people, but mostly, battling myself.  Battling my own thoughts and my own emotions.  Right now my body is betraying me in the regular ways of pain and not being able to feel half of my face, but also in roller coaster emotions and periods of dark depression.  

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