Its About Me Right Now

I spent three days last week helping at our church’s youth conference.  I played piano, helped run a game, did some cleaning, special music, etc.  And I had so much fun.  I love teenagers and I love working at my church, so when you put the two together, awesome.

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I came away from last weekend exhausted.  I was in bed in my pjs by 3 on Saturday afternoon.  And slept till 5:30.  The kids and my husband all tried to tell me that I wouldn’t sleep that night, but I just kept sleeping anyway.  They were right, but whatever.

But I also came back more happy than I’ve been in weeks.  I told you last week that I’ve been struggling.  Honestly, I think I’ve just been too inward focused for a while.  Writing this book and getting ready to launch it into the world has freaked me out a little.  I write here every week and I do videos on Facebook and stories on Instagram, but for some reason there’s weight behind a book that makes you wonder if you’re just a crazy person.

And when I came back from this conference refreshed and renewed, I remembered something.  I need to get out of my own head sometimes.  No matter what is going on, I need to serve.  I need to think about other people.  I need to keep myself closer to the bottom of the list.  How easily I forget.

When my life fell apart that October, I knew that I needed healing time, that I needed to grieve, and that I literally needed more sleep than usual.  But I also knew that if I just lived in my head, if I only thought about myself, I wouldn’t heal.  I wouldn’t be able to move past it because I would just be stuck there.  Reliving all the hurt over and over.

So I went and made potpies.  I’m pretty sure that’s the very first thing I did at my church.  And I joined choir.  I cried at every practice for months.  But I sang anyway.  And at one point I went and told my pastor that I needed some more things to do.  I like to joke that I’ve never been bored since.  And it was the best decision for healing that I didn’t realize at the time.

Are you like me?  Do you live in your head a little too often?  Are the voices loud in there?  Those negative voices are so loud aren’t they?  They clamour for our attention.  And unless we drown them out, they take up more and more space.

When those voices start, when they tell you that it needs to be all about you right now, when they start listing off all the reasons you can’t serve anyone else right now, when they tell you that God is too hard on you and you shouldn’t serve Him right now, when it all starts, try getting outside of yourself.  Spend yourself on someone else.  Serve in some way.  The happiness you’ll receive is far better than anything you could do for yourself.  

Then take a long nap.  The combination is perfect.