Almost two weeks ago I sat staring at my phone, at an email waiting to be sent. I reworded it, I saved it as a draft, I went back and forth for a while before I hit send. It was an email asking for help. Because this summer, I’ve been struggling with something. And I noticed that I was eating too many snacks, and watching too much Netflix, and not writing enough. And I knew what I would tell anyone else…just talk to someone. So it was time to hit send. I had thought and thought about this issue I was having. Until I knew exactly what I would say when I went to this meeting. I had an outline. For real. Points one, two, three, here are my issues, what do you think? All very logical and organized. I even made it all the way through without crying, quite a feat for me.
Basically, this issue came down to the fact that I was tired of fighting a battle. I wanted the magic fix, a snap your fingers solution, someone else to do it for me. The only problem is, this is not that kind of battle.
It wasn’t until after talking that I realized something…I am at once tired of fighting, and yet desperate to win the battle. I was thinking all last week, I don’t understand myself, it’s like I’m two different people.
And then a few days ago, I remembered that I am.
If you are a Christian, you are always two different people.
How quickly I forget.
And I was allowing the old me, the fleshly me, to gain the upper hand. Eating and Netflix and silence and being alone were not helping me to win the battle. And it just took one conversation for me to remember who I really am.
That I am a child of God so I don’t walk alone.
That I am a soldier fit for battle and God has given me everything I need.
That as a friend and a wife and a church member, God has surrounded me with people who will help and that silence doesn’t allow those people to know when to help or what to say or how to be there for me.
That as a Christian, I don’t have to fight alone, in my own strength. God gives me all the strength I need each day. Maybe just enough. But enough.
I’m so glad I hit send that day. That conversation started my thinking down the right path. It gave me hope. Mostly because I was just reminded of the basics. But the basics are always enough. If we remember them.